Life is empty without the people you love...

When things seem good, something goes bad. This year has been incredibly challenging for me in every aspect. I feel like I'm falling a part fast. I don't know how much more sadness and devastation I can take. It's hard to live each day knowing that certain aspects are gone from my life and will never return. I used to be naive. Life was so full of hope and happiness back then. The harsh realities of life didn't exist then. I've never felt true sadness like I do now. I've suffered more than people know. Every day is struggle. I share my sad smile. It sometimes feels like no one can help me. I've never felt more alone. In these times of darkness its hard to see the light. My family has been amazing support for me. My friends have kept me smiling. Through all I've been through I still want to believe in hope. My faith has been tested so much this year. Now its never been stronger. My problem is I feel too much for people,and places. I ponder way to much about life and death. So much sadness around me and others it feels like I'll never escape. I'am so thankful for everything in my life: My family, my friends, my health and happiness, all of it. How lucky I'am. I wish I was more grateful. I wish I was better person to go out and truly be strong. To truly help people. I really want to achieve this some day. I'm tired of feeling paranoid. I'm tired of being of afraid bad things happening. I want to grow stronger. If theres one thing I could say about everything thats happend its never to give up. God wants us to live and the people we've lost watch us and want us to be happy. What makes it so hard is the missing part. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but you never stop missing a person. Animals for that fact to. I lost my little peepers...There will never be another like her. She to left me without a goodbye. She left and her news came around the same dreaded time I found out about my grandma. It was a deja vu. I pray no more tragedy will come. I really want to heal. These vicious downward spirals is not a way to live. I want to live once again without fear.