Life is empty without the people you love...

Today is one of my most favorite holidays of all... Thanksgiving.  I'm thankful for so many things.  It would be too hard to express everything.  I never get a chance to express my gratitude on this day, so I would like to make this a new tradition.  I'am most thankful for my good health.  I'm thankful for my terrific friends and family.  I don't know where I would be without them...  they are my strength and happiness.  I'am thankful for all the good things that have happend to me this year.  I'm thankful that I got the chance to know my grandma as long as I did as well as peepers.  I'm thankful to be alive.  To live an extradionary life.  Things have been difficult, but theres always a reason to smile and to be grateful for all the wonderful blessings around us.  Thank you God for everything.  Happy Thanksgiving to all! 

When things seem good, something goes bad. This year has been incredibly challenging for me in every aspect. I feel like I'm falling a part fast. I don't know how much more sadness and devastation I can take. It's hard to live each day knowing that certain aspects are gone from my life and will never return. I used to be naive. Life was so full of hope and happiness back then. The harsh realities of life didn't exist then. I've never felt true sadness like I do now. I've suffered more than people know. Every day is struggle. I share my sad smile. It sometimes feels like no one can help me. I've never felt more alone. In these times of darkness its hard to see the light. My family has been amazing support for me. My friends have kept me smiling. Through all I've been through I still want to believe in hope. My faith has been tested so much this year. Now its never been stronger. My problem is I feel too much for people,and places. I ponder way to much about life and death. So much sadness around me and others it feels like I'll never escape. I'am so thankful for everything in my life: My family, my friends, my health and happiness, all of it. How lucky I'am. I wish I was more grateful. I wish I was better person to go out and truly be strong. To truly help people. I really want to achieve this some day. I'm tired of feeling paranoid. I'm tired of being of afraid bad things happening. I want to grow stronger. If theres one thing I could say about everything thats happend its never to give up. God wants us to live and the people we've lost watch us and want us to be happy. What makes it so hard is the missing part. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but you never stop missing a person. Animals for that fact to. I lost my little peepers...There will never be another like her. She to left me without a goodbye. She left and her news came around the same dreaded time I found out about my grandma. It was a deja vu. I pray no more tragedy will come. I really want to heal. These vicious downward spirals is not a way to live. I want to live once again without fear.

I wish I could do things in slow motion sometimes. You know like the feeling of the wind in your hair. Walking in the snow at night. The rain hitting your skin. Sometimes when I'm caught in a moment, in a dream-like state, I wish I could stop time, so I can cherish its worth. Each day is different from the next and you never know the outcome. So enjoy the laughter, being youthful, celebrations, and other moments that make you stop and in breathe in the air that makes you feel at ease.

Why do we lose people who are dear to us? Is it a thing called fate or is it something much more beyond our understanding? I've lost a very important person in my life. With her gone, a piece of me is gone. Days don't seem as bright. The past is always closer. The future seems sooner than expected. Colors of simply being, fade into one. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but thats just a fairytale. Time makes a person forgot-- move on. But you never forget. The memory stays strong. There hasn't been a day thats gone by, where I haven't thought of this person. Everywhere I go my mind wanders. Sometimes I'm quiet, and I appear to be smiling but its all just a false facade. These moments make me sad, make me happy, make me feel guilty. I wish I could of done something...anything. I know its impossible and I wouldnt want her to be back here when shes in such a wonderful place. I dont want her to feel sad, or regret on my behalf. But I cant but help feel sad. I think I always will, but I can never up. I hope she's watching me, guiding me, guarding me. I believe she is and always will. I will always think of her. I will never forget. I just want to let her know that she impacted my life so very much. She's an inspiration and an angel. I just wish I could tell the world how much I admire and love you grandma.

Sarah is the coolest most awesomest person in the whole wide world. I love her dearly! That is all!